There are lots of reasons to be looking for business opportunities these days.  Here’s a simple guide to selling stuff online, either as a small business or just for extra cash. You pick your own inventory. This business plan works for pretty much any inventory you can ship. It’s a quick read and definitely worth the $12.95 + shipping.

Buy here: www.online-sales-101.com
Or go directly to Amazon:  http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=online+sales+101&x=0&y=0

Also available as a wife beater tank and trucker hat.

Get yours here:

www.zazzle.com/kridors

So I’ve been trying to self-publish a little business guide–no biggie. Or so I thought. After months of circumnavigating the dark and murky LuLu.com printing process, I have finally reached a decisive dead end. It wasn’t the outdated help files that don’t correspond to what you’re actually looking at on the screen. It wasn’t the complete absence of necessary steps needed to complete the distribution process. It was this, an email from LuLu politely telling its customers to just EFF right off, thank you. Having difficulties with any part of their “service”? Well, too damn bad. LuLu is no longer offering support. But of course they’ll gladly still take your money.

My last email to the support department took about a week to receive an answer. However, my last email received an answer lightning quick. Here’s what I got:

My excitement over Clear WiMAX service being available in my area turned to disappointment when I tried to purchase the Basic Home service online and the form wouldn’t work in Chrome or Explorer. I HATE calling customer service departments, for anything! But since the form wouldn’t work I had to call–still giving Clear the benefit of the doubt to this point, knowing that technical glitches are common, yet hoping this wasn’t an indication of their overall service. Well, the representative I reached via phone pretty much dashed any remaining hope. HE WAS A TOTAL MORON. He was as professional as you’d expect a half-stoned surfer dude to be. He laughed off my problems with the online form: “Whoaaaaa…really? That’s WEIRD!” I would not have been at all surprised if he had also exclaimed, “That’s GNARLY!” No apologies. No timeline for resolution. He offered to set up my account online, which I was hesitant to do but decided to proceed–until he tried to upsell me, claiming the $20/month Basic Home plan doesn’t exist without a 2-year contract. I told him the details of the plan I had attempted to purchase online: $20/month + $5/month modem rental + no contract. He had never heard of it, exclaiming again, “Whoaaa…really? That’s WEIRD!” 

Okay Clear. You’re clearly a disappointment. I was so excited to think of ditching my Comcast (aka Communistcast) cable service, which practically forces you to buy the “bundle.” Sure, they offer a great internet rate, but it’s only that price if you get the cable tv and phone too! I tried to switch to Qwest DSL and experienced the same sort of idiotic customer service (I think it was the same guy from Clear) and repeated attempts at upsell trickery (every time they’d call to “confirm” the order, suddenly the monthly rate would increase by $20 or more). 

I welcome  feedback on anyone’s experience with Clear WiMAX service. Should I trust them to save me from the clutches of Comcast?

My writer succumbed to a bout of massive stress and can’t attend to my needs right now. Without regular doses of taunting and carping, I just might shrivel and die. If you can help, tell me how to contact you to collect your submission.

I’ve been wondering why Thesaurus.com has taken a turn for the lame recently. A truewriter shouldn’t need a thesaurus–but a braindead, sleep deprived one with a baby really does! When my mind draws a blank (pretty much all the time), I would just hop over to thesaurus.com for a multitude of word choice options. But those days are over. To continue the illusion of a big (Big. See, that’s the best I could do without a thesaurus) vocabulary they want me to suscribe to their premiumservice. But after the Vista Print debacle I hesitate subscribing to anything anymore. Guess I’ll have to actually use a real thesaurus again, if I even still have one. Like, the kind in a book, with pages, that you turn.

In the grand American tradition of “fat evangelism”, and with the Chinese palate already nicely warped by McDonalds and the makers of KFC, now Kraft has shown China yet another way to achieve the portly American physique: cookies and milk! Apparently, the Chinese hadn’t yet paired the two. For one, they’ve never been big milk drinkers, and seem to have been getting along just fine without it. And they like their cookies on the dry and plain side: biscuits, if you will. But these dietary preferences don’t benefit the likes of Kraft so the big corporate serving spoon busted over to China to whip them into shape–with more than just measured success! After extensive grassroots efforts, tireless training, and a recipe Kraft specially tweaked to withstand the cultural divide, now China just loves Oreos, and milk! We’re so relieved…

I wonder what would happen if Kraft channeled these same powers of persuasion to convince China to use cleaner burning fuels?

Unilever’s front man on the issue, Gary Sheath, defends the corporation against Green Peace’s allegations that Unilever is partaking in the mass destruction of Indonesia’s rain forests due to the production of palm oil. [Unilever makes bath and shower products, such as Dove soap]. Apparently, Green Peace is way off base, and Sheath really sets the issue straight here. ”The problem”, he says, “is simply that the demand of palm oil has exploded”.

[Oh, and we thought the problem was corporations like Unilever killing the forest to get the oil.]

But even though Unilever admittedly shares blame with China, India, and the energy industry, Unilever actually seems to be the most remorseful of the bunch–so much so that they chair the RSPO (Roundtable on Sustainable Palm Oil). The purpose of this committee is to strive toward sustainability solutions for palm oil, and to achieve complete universal agreement on the matter.

[It doesn't take the formal convening of a roundtable to solve the problem: just do the right thing and stop using palm oil for stuff, A-hole.]

“It is essential that all those involved sign up to agreed criteria to make sustainability work on the ground – but this is not an easy process and is taking longer than we would all like.”

[So, basically he means, "In the meantime, we'll just keep doing what we're doing because it's really just the thought that counts, right?"]

Not surprising, Unilever is the maker of Axe shower products–the chick magnet [yeah, right] and now more fitting to its name, the mortal enemy of trees.

Comcast is getting help to make the Golf Channel even better. I mean, can it get any better? It’s already so riveting, with all that thrill-inspiring, jaw-dropping, electrifying…golf. The Versus channel will also be getting a revamp. At least with hockey there’s something to work with: a fast-paced, violent sport has better chance at winning new viewers. With golf, you’re either into it or you’re not. This will be the challenge of Mike Weisman, who will be working his magic for these two Comcast networks. Who better for the job? He also produces baseball, America’s second most boring spectator sport.

Just a follow up to my recent post about Vista Print. Turns out, I’m not the only one who has been taken by them. Check out this list. They have sure been busy! There’s no such thing as a free lunch, or free business cards, especially from Vista Print.